Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
