He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
