I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
