i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
