So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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