i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
