I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
