he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Randomize
