If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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