I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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