TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
