tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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