She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
