how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
