I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize