watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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