Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
