He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
