I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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