how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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