Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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