how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize