Rock
Scissors
Fuck
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
