His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
