haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
