I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize