God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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