and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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