I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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