Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
