the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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