oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he shaved USA in his pubs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
