Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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