If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
