guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
