i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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