His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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