did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
