true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
