So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
