Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
