Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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