dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
