Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
