so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize