Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
