I feel great
I just peed on a car
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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