Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't deserve a penis
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
