Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
