I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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