She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
