your thong is hanging out like whoa
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
