Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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