Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
