he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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