Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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