mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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