She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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