so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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