Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
