I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
