They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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