True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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