the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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