I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
