that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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