Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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