Sry I called you an 8
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
