why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got her a Nickelback box set.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
